11 Times It’s OK to Cancel a Date

Dating is a busy and sometimes stressful point in your life. And you definitely don’t need to make it any more stressful than it already is. So if any of these situations come about, it is perfectly acceptable for you to cancel on that date and stay in, watching TV instead.

1. If you’re on your period

No one feels sexy or sociable then. And all you want to do is lie in bed, cuddling a hot water bottle and hating on life.

1 period date

2. If you haven’t shaved your legs

You never know, you might get lucky. And you don’t want to be caught out do you?

2 shaving date

3. If you get a better offer

Life is too short for rubbish dates. If you think you have found someone better suited to you, grab him.

3 better offer date

4. If the guy starts to act clingy

Imagine how he would act if you were in a relationship…

4 clingy date

5. If you can’t find something to wear

You can only make a ‘Good First Impression’ once. You have to be looking your best

5 nothing to wear date

6. If you’re friend doesn’t like the look of him

Let’s be honest, she know what’s best for you, even better than you do. If she doesn’t think you should date him, you probably shouldn’t.

6 friend date

7. If your parents start asking too many questions

Just save yourself now.

7 parents date

8. If you can’t agree on something to do

You clearly have nothing in common and do you really want your whole dating life to be like this.

8 decision date

9. If you don’t like the sound of his voice

You may not have heard it before. And if you don’t like it, it’s fine to make your excuses and run. After all, the majority of the date would be talking.

9 voice date

10. If you’re just not in the mood

Sometimes you’re just not. And that’s fine.

10 mood date

11. If you want to test his reaction

Will he fight for you? Or just give up? It’s good to know now11 reaction date

Is it just me?

(all images from giphy.com)

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On Your Bike

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All my life, I have possessed an extraordinary need to impress people and please people. And that is never more obvious than when I am dating.

It means that I am, in fact a pretty great person to date, as I will do literally anything to make you happy. And surely that should be the main aim of any pair of people who are in a relationship.

But it does make the beginnings of the dating process pretty hard for me. I work and work at trying to make the other person like me. And while I am doing that, I attempt to hide all my faults.

Have any of you have tried this? If you have, you will know how hard it is and not something that your date necessarily wants. It’s a habit I am trying to grow out of.

But back when I was 18, it was at its strongest.

I was a busy bee back then. I had just started uni and was throwing myself into everything that it offered. Which was not only booze, boys and boogies, but also societies and choirs as I loved to sing.

I was so excited when I was accepted into the elite choir within uni. Unfortunately though, I studied a few miles away on a different campus to where rehearsals were held. So after my lectures finished I had to cycle as fast as I could, to arrive at the rehearsal as on-time as I could manage. Which meant around 10-15 minutes. Slightly embarrassing but the leader didn’t mind too much and I wasn’t going to give up the chance to take part in one of the best choirs in town.

Now I am not the most co-ordinated person at the best of times. I can easily walk into lampposts and trees so you can imagine what I am like when a bicycle is involved.

A few months after I had started this little regime, I was running particularly late. My lecture had overran, so I was worried about missing the majority of the rehearsal. In fact, I was debating about missing it at altogether, but there was a concert coming up. Plus I had become rather attached to one of the tenors in the choir and it was the only time of the week that I saw him. So off I went, a little speedier than usual.

I had almost arrived at the rehearsal building and was feeling a bit better. I was off the main roads, no cars were now around, I thought I was safe.

Apparently not.

On crossing from one side of road to the other and attempting to mount the pavement, I took on a stupidly large kerb at speed, thinking that sheer force would allow me to jump up on to the pavement.

It didn’t.

I hit the kerb. Skidded. And toppled. Falling right off the bike, on to the pavement I was trying to achieve. And, if that wasn’t bad enough, I was right at the feet of said crush from the choir.

‘Oh God are you ok?’

He offered a hand and helped me up. Embarrassed didn’t even cover it. I blushed deeply.

‘Fine, fine’ I said, breezily, shaking out my limbs and trying to ignore the blood, dripping down my elbow.

‘Are you sure?’ he caught sight of the elbow ‘Let’s go and find you a plaster.’

Gentleman as he was, he picked up my bike for me and wheeled it while I limped alongside him. And then he even guarded it while I nipped into the campus shop to buy a box of plasters.

We didn’t actually make it to the choir rehearsal though and instead had our first date of many. Shows that occasionally it really does work if you are a damsel in distress. And it is definitely worth the bruises.

Is it just me?

8 places where PDAs are unacceptable

I am not a huge fan of Public Displays of Affection (PDAs) and people may think that’s because I am bitter about the fact I am not dating anyone at the moment.

WRONG.

I am perfectly fine with not dating anyone but I just don’t want to have other people’s relationships rammed down my throat at every opportunity. Which is what everyone seem to love doing.

These are the absolute worst places for PDAs where people should try to restrain themselves…at least for a couple of hours.

1. Having a coffee

1 coffee date

Is it really necessary? You both have coffee breath – so I can’t see how you are getting any pleasure from it anyway.

2. If you are with friends

2 thirdwheel date

They want to hang out with you without seeing extra body parts. And if it’s only one extra person, it’s just plain awkward. Give them a break.

3. Walking down the street

3 street date

Really? You’re actually going to stop in the middle of the pavement and hold up the flow of walkers just because you can’t wait an extra couple of minutes?

4. Shopping

4 shopping date

I didn’t know that getting your groceries was really that exciting.

5. Parks

5 parks date

This is a kind of grey area. Because it is kind of acceptable if you find a quiet spot where not many people around. But unfortunately couples take it too far. They forget that they are in fact still in a public place. And for goodness sake there are kids around! Keep it PG.

6. On the bus or train

6 train date

Are you seriously going to make my commute even worse? I can’t even escape – I just have to watch.  Please stop.

7. In class/lectures/talks

7 sick date

I have paid a lot of money to attend these and you sticking your tongue down each other’s throats is not what I signed up for.

8. At the theatre

8 theatre date

The cinema is fine. It’s dark and I can’t see you. But the theatre…I can definitely see you and it’s distracting.

In short, it’s only acceptable if you are saying goodbye to each other and even then please keep it to a minimum. Otherwise just stop showing off about how amazing your relationship is and wait until you get home.

Is it just me?

(All images from giphy.com)

Three’s a crowd

rubbish date

So we have all had that moment at uni when we kind of dated one boy, but kind of liked his housemate and then might have gone on a complete train wreck of events infused by vodka, gin and the occasional tequila shot….everyone has done that right? Right? Just me then…

But if you are at uni and find that this situation is staring at you in the face – RUN FOR THE HILLS. Because the one thing I learnt from this: if you treat men the way they treat you, they wont leave you alone. Like ever! Three years on and I am still receiving the odd whatsapp message, LinkedIn profile view and retweet from those involved.

It started innocently enough – I was being me at uni, running around in brightly coloured trousers, hair on a bun on top of my head and more jewellery than my body can hold and I run smack into Housemate Number One outside the library. Let’s call him Dan. Classic: books go flying, he helps me pick them up, I say thank you and walk away. Done.

Maybe a week or so later Housemate Number Two, (let’s call him Ben) decides to join one of the societies I am part of. Hello standard initiation ceremony and a night of a complete memory blank. Although somewhere during that night Ben and I became more than just acquaintances if you get my drift.

Over the next few months Ben and I see a lot of each other, usually when I have tequila in my system and when he doesn’t. He sends me constant texts, including links to what can only be described as love songs, which I politely ignore, preferring only to talk to him when drunk (I know I’m horrible, but he once tried to start a conversation about the IQ of polar bears, so I didn’t want to take my chances with actual proper dating).

After a surprisingly difficult Christmas away from Ben, (me ignoring him and pretending I didn’t have internet in Africa, and him sending me regular snapchats of himself); uni restarted. And this my friends is when it all kicked off.

Let’s set the scene: The union. Copious amounts of tequila. Me dancing on some table somewhere…yep that happened…and in walks Dan (forgotten about him hadn’t you – well so had I). Unfortunately with my memory refreshed and a ridiculously large pair of beer goggles on, he looked pretty decent.

Until he started talking that is. It all went along the lines of ‘You are too good for Ben, I liked you from the moment I met you…’ and so on and so forth… All I kind of remember is thinking – this guy is being a bit of a dick to his mate. But I was drunk, and when he offered to walk me home, I didn’t object. And then he simply crashed on my couch until I kicked him out first thing the next morning.

Which is not what he told his housemates. I don’t know why, maybe it was to boost his ego, maybe it was to get back at Ben for something…but I, completely oblivious continued to date Ben and the rest of his housemates HATED ME! Which made that awkward morning after chat SO MUCH MORE AWKWARD!

Unfortunately this little story didn’t end nicely either. Ben and I didn’t take long before we fizzled out and finished dating (although only after a supposed romantic weekend was gatecrashed by the entirety of his family including his non English speaking grandma).

And Dan told me a big dark secret which resulted in me dating him out of pity – which is a whole other story. But all I will say is…don’t do that…it’s just doomed to fail.

So there we go – I have laid my past out for all of you to judge me, and by all means judge me. But if you do; try and think what you would be saying if I were a “lad”. Honestly it’s not worth the trouble, boys always want what they can’t have and to be honest it can be quite fun not letting them have it.

Is it just me?

Contributed by Amy Shaw from Expat Diaries Africa and Abroad

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The Unfortunate Frape

facebook date

I learnt recently that dating is no laughing matter. It’s the fact that feelings are involved. Which unfortunately, normally have a tendency to get hurt pretty quickly, often by accident, by the silliest of things. And then people lash out and as a result everything becomes a bit messy. Note to self – dating is not to be undertaken lightly.

When I first met Jackson, I had no idea the strength of what I was about to feel for him. It (not sure what, but something like love) hit me like a bus, and sent me sprawling.  Within weeks of dating I was head over heels for this guy.

Which my friends were instantly suspicious of. They could not believe that I was actually that crazy for a guy who I had only been on a handful of dates with, someone who I had only known for around a month. And were infinitely more suspicious as I began blowing them off in favour of seeing Jackson whenever I could.

Yes. I was that girl. The one who neglects all her friends and replaces them for a guy. The girl I normally hate. But in my defence, I thought he was The One. I was that into him, in spite of us being so early on in the dating process.

After a couple of months my friends had enough.

‘We are staging an intervention’ they told me seriously ‘We’re coming over at 8 and if you’re not there, we are going to hunt you down, and you will be sorry.’

They were being serious. And I honestly didn’t know what they would do, but I did not take the threat lightly. So I took the night off from seeing Jackson and hugely looked forward to catching up with them properly.

It was an absolutely awesome night, of course it was. We talked, we giggled, they understood how far I was falling for Jackson and then we began drinking which is where it all started going wrong.

We just become ridiculous when we drink together. And yes it’s fun, and yes I wouldn’t change my friends for the world but some other people just don’t get us.

Pretty early on in the night I started receiving a whole load of Facebook notifications…hmmm…this time I was the suspicious one. And sure enough, there in my profile was a sparkly new status which I hadn’t written, professing my love to my best friend, Chris and telling the world just how badly I wanted him.

Everyone knew it was a frape. Chris and I had been friends since nursery school and we were like brother and sister to the other. So the status was receiving a lot of likes and jokey comments going ‘I knew it’ and ‘about time.’

I just laughed at Chris and said ‘You wish’ blowing him a kiss. And then instantly forgot about it.

We drank more, we laughed more, we went out for a boogie and I didn’t even look at my phone for a few hours. But when I did at about 2am, just before I collapsed into bed, I was hugely surprised to see that I had received 10 missed calls and about 6 or 7 texts from Jackson: asking me where I was, who I was with, what I was doing, why wasn’t I calling him back?

I figured he wouldn’t appreciate it if I drunk-called him at stupid o’clock in the morning so I waited until a more reasonable hour. And when I say he was mad, he was MAD!

He ranted at me for about half an hour, telling me how trust was the most important thing in a relationship, how he had been cheated on in the past and he couldn’t go through that again. He didn’t even give me a chance to explain but instead said he thought we should stop dating. And that was it. I never saw him again. Who knew men were that jealous?

Is it just me?

Contributed by a reader

12 Relationship goals as portrayed in films

We spend years and years dating, trying to find THE ONE. But even after hundreds of dates and probably more than a few boyfriends/girlfriends it is highly unlikely that we are going to find a relationship that is as perfect as how love is portrayed on the big screen.

How depressing is that? That a fictional character bags a wonderful partner within two hours. While you have been trying for years? Grrrrrr.

So, in no particular order, these are the couples who I am most jealous of.

1. Jamie and Dylan – Friends with Benefits

film date 1

Being friends with someone before you start dating them is ideal. You are comfortable with them, you are not worried to be yourself around them and it’s one less person you have to worry about when you begin dating seriously (it’s well known that friends are often slightly neglected in favour of boy/girlfriends).

I love the hilarious friendship that Jamie and Dylan have prior to having sex. Then when they begin dating properly, it’s even better.

2.Tris and Four – Divergent

film date 2

She is a slight outcast, weaker than those around her. He is the cool teacher who is awesome at everything. Yet she is not scared to be herself, and doesn’t give up. She just becomes even more determined to make it. And he falls in love with her for it. And they are just so cute. And he respects her when she wants to go slow. And ahhhh they are basically just cute. That’s all.

3. Flynn and Rapunzel – Tangled

film date 3

Flynn frees Rapunzel from her overprotective mother and gives her a life which is what she desperately wanted. And yes, at first, he might have lied and cheated but everybody loves a bad boy. He sees the error of his ways in the end too, which is every girl’s dream.

4. Katniss and Peeta – The Hunger Games

film date 4

She saves his life, he saves hers, she saves his, he saves hers…and they both go through some horrific things that only the other understands. And for that reason, nothing can rip them apart. Even when the evil president tries to poison Peeta’s mind against Katniss, they still get through it and remain strong.

5. Tim and Mary – About Time

film date 5

They just have such a giggle. And their relationship/marriage seems so easy and stress free. It’s the perfect relationship.

6. Annie and Officer Rhodes – Bridesmaids

film date 6

After months of feeling low and even more months of denying her feelings, Annie finally gets the guy. A cutely hilarious policeman, who is undeniably patient with her, until she finally catches up and realises that he’s the one for her.

7. Rosie and Alex – Love Rosie

film date 7

As I said earlier, being friends before you start dating someone is ideal. But as this film shows, it doesn’t always work. They get there in the end though. And as their friendship is completely perfect, I assume their relationship will be too. They should make a Love Rosie, part 2.

8. Paige and Leo – The Vow

film date 8

Paige and Leo are in a car accident which shatters their marriage completely when she forgets the entire thing. He does everything to win her back but he doesn’t succeed so they divorce. But there is just the tiniest part of memory which gives her the smallest of inklings that they are meant to be together. And they fall in love all over again! That’s what true love should be – it truly is forever and never goes away.

9. Jacob and Hannah – Crazy Stupid Lovefilm date 9

‘SERIOUSLY? It’s like your photoshopped’ – those immortal words would be said by anyone who is met with Ryan Gosling’s body, I am sure. Or just him in general. These two really make up the perfect couple. And again, Jacob is a kind of bad boy who finally settles down when he finds the one. That mixture of dangerous and cute safety is what every girl falls for.

10. Gus and Hazel – The Fault in Our Starsfilm date 10

Ahhh they are so young but so in love but have so many problems. It’s like Romeo and Juliet but with cancer. Totally heartbreaking. But their relationship caused them so much happiness at a time where they were both so ill.

11. Peter and Gwen – Spiderman

film date  11

Who wouldn’t want to be dating a superhero? Especially a hot one.

12. Victoria and Albert – The Young Victoriafilm date 12

This is one of the best because it is so real. They rely on each other so much, to help them through a crazily busy and very public life.

So true love isn’t just a myth? You had me fooled.

Is it just me?

(all images from giphy.com)

Driving forward

driving date

It’s always hard for dates to actually be unique. You go on so many (well, I do anyway!) throughout your life time that they cease to be exciting. Because it is like men have no imagination.

I do understand that dates don’t have to be overly interesting in themselves. It doesn’t particularly matter where you go – whether that be restaurant, bar or anywhere else. As long as the person who you are with, is interesting, that’s the main thing. Everything else is kind of superficial.

But don’t you find the whole going for a meal malarkey, kind of repetitive? You can have too much of a good thing and I am always impressed by anyone who puts a bit of effort into the date, thinking outside the box to discover something that I would enjoy.  It’s not completely essential to a good date, but it would definitely give you some brownie points.

The strangest date I have ever been on though was with a guy called Archie at the beginning of last year. It was our first date and in a very gentlemanly fashion, he came to pick me up at my house to escort me to the date. And after he had briefly met my housemates, he took me to his car.

Which was a slight surprise as I thought we were going to the pub and I was never going to condone drinking and driving, even if it was in the name of dating.

I shouldn’t have worried though. Drinking and driving wasn’t in his nature. And actually there was no drinking involved in our date. Just driving.

Yes you read that correctly. Our first date was driving around in a car. That was it.

As first dates go, it was actually pretty good. It puts you in close confines with each other and forces you to talk to each other with no other people or distractions. So if you are confident you have some chemistry, there will be no problems. Plus you can tell a lot from a guy’s car and how he drives. But it isn’t really one I would fully recommend especially if you don’t know your partner that well. There is a distinct possibility of awkward silences.

I doubt any of you have been on a date like that. But what’s the most unique date you have ever been on? And did you enjoy it or would you prefer just to go to a bar and chat?

Is it just me?

Caught out

date disaster

When you are deciding whether or not to date someone, those first few months are absolutely crucial as you begin to get to know them and you form your first impressions. Whether you want to admit it or not, you judge a person more in those initial interactions than you probably do ever in your normal life.

When I began talking to Pete, I thought I had found a pretty good one. I was absolutely certain that I would be dating him for a long time. Because I thought he was almost perfect. He was good looking, so funny, affectionate, we had similar interests and most importantly, he listened to me.

I think this is a really really underrated characteristic in someone. Finding someone who is willing to listen to you rant or get upset, and not just offer meaningless sympathy but really formulate a reply to help you out. Pete did this for me over and over again in the few weeks we were chatting prior to our first date. He would always ask me how I was and genuinely listened to the answer, giving me advice on certain things that were going wrong and generally making me feel happier.

When we eventually decided to go on our first date, about three weeks after we’d begun talking, he told me he wanted to do something special. And he said it was going to be a surprise. I was touched – he’d clearly put a lot of thought into everything and I couldn’t wait to see what he had come up with.

He turned up, in a taxi at bang on 8 (punctuality – another underrated pro in a guy!) Finally meeting him face to face after we had been talking for so long and we knew each other so well, was amazing. And the car journey into town, gave us a chance to chat.

When we stepped out of the taxi, he still wouldn’t tell me where we were going as I tottered along in my ridiculous heels, trying to keep up with him/not trip on the cobbles. But as soon as he saw me struggling, he slowed down and offered me his arm – such a gentleman. And I didn’t have long to wait until I found out where we were headed for our date – a cute little cocktail bar right in the centre of town.

It was one of those places that I had walked past many times but never actually entered. Namely because, I was tee-total since I was 15 and my older brother had started being treated for alcoholism. Something I had definitely mentioned to Pete on numerous occasions.

However, I didn’t want to ruin the date. So I pasted a smile on my face and I even kind of enjoyed the cocktail-making masterclass he had organised for us. But when I refused to drink any, I had to explain why. Bless him, he swept me out of there straight away and on to the next part of our date – a posh steak restaurant across the road.

Which would have been amazing if I WASN’T VEGETARIAN!! I mean seriously, could a date have gone any worse? Did he actually know me at all? Or had he just been pretending this whole time, simply to get me into bed or whatever? Such a disappointment after my expectations were so high!!

Is it just me?

Contributed by a reader

Too soon?

moving in date

I have been on quite a few Tinder dates in my time. And, while they have never been anything amazing, I do like the fact that they allow you to get to know a person before you attend the date with them. From that initial period which you spend texting each other, you can really get to know someone and occasionally you might realise that it would be best not to meet them for a date at all. Which saves you both time and money!

At the beginning of the year, I dated a guy called Jai. Although actually that’s not really an accurate description of the relationship that we had. We never got to the dating stage because I just knew that we were not going to click. And to be honest, he was more than a little bit weird.

We’d been talking via text for about two weeks. If that. In fact, it was probably less than that. But that didn’t stop him from asking a question which I wouldn’t even expect from someone who I was official with for a year. Let alone someone who I had not yet begun to date:

‘Do you think I could move in with you?’

I kid you not!! He asked me that, before he’d even met me face to face. Not one date had yet occurred. I managed to hold myself back from replying with a blunt ‘No fricking way!’ and instead joked

‘I think my housemates would have something to say about that!’

Yet still he persisted. And even had the cheek to get annoyed with me for not saying yes. Genuinely! He thought I was the weird one for not allowing him to move straight in with me! Who was this guy that I had started talking to? I know some people’s relationships move fast – but I assume none of you have moved in together prior to the first date?? What is the quickest available time? My relationship experiences are limited, but surely that’s not a thing you should even consider in the very back of your brain, before you meet them?

As I am a complete commitment phobe, I, of course ran a mile. Seriously, who wouldn’t? In all honesty, I ran a couple of hundred and went to cower at my parents’ place, far far away from this particular unsuitable date. I have to give him credit where it’s due – not many guys can make me do that. But I was slightly worried about the fact this guy was living in the same town as me. I could technically bump into him at any moment. And safe in my family’s home, I was able to calmly ignore all his attempts to contact me.

What on earth would have happened if I had actually accepted a date from him? He probably would have asked me to marry him.

Is it just me?

My biggest turn off

eat date

I am an extremely indecisive person. Which is something that I hate about myself but there’s nothing I can do about that now. Unfortunately I am always going to be this way. What I do have control over, though, is who I date and what this person is like. So I will make sure I never ever date an indecisive person ever again.

The reason – Indecisiveness + indecisiveness = STARVATION!!

I was on a date last winter when it was terribly cold. So there were not a huge amount of date options left open to us. Walks were definitely out of the question. Which I quite like to do on a first date as they are out in the open and you can escape any time you want. At this point in the year, what was really the only date option, was to go for a meal.

Meals can be quite good too for first dates as well. Reason number 1 – you get fed.

Reason number 2 – they are a good length.

Reason number 3 – you can vary the length according to how well the date goes.

However, they are not a perfect option. And the main reason for this is because of the amount of choices you have to make while on the date: mostly importantly, where to eat and what to eat.

But I have found a way around this so I can avoid having any trouble.

Basically I make the guy choose where we eat. That way, I do not appear demanding, he can pick according to his budget and I do not need to show my date just how indecisive I am. It’s pretty foolproof. Until I meet someone who is just as bad as I am.

In previous blogposts, I have declared how I have always been searching for dates who are similar to me and have similar personalities and values. In this case – NO NO NO!! If the guy is just as indecisive is me, it would be hours before we ate.

And this is exactly what happened, when I went on a date with Ian. We spent half an hour walking up and down the little street of bars and restaurants in my town, attempting to make a decision. Until eventually I made it for him. Me!! The one who finds it impossible to make decisions. You know it must be bad, if it’s me, trying to take control.

I just found it to be such a turn off. Not to mention – I was STARVING by the time our food came. Not impressed. I didn’t dare suggest we go for coffee either. What with the number of options we had – Starbucks, Costa, Café Nero, Patisserie Valerie, Pret… we might have been there all night. And the date had already continued much much longer than was strictly necessary.

Is it just me?