Fitness Freak

rubbish date

I have recently started dating a new guy and my god, he has to be one of the most beautiful men on the planet. I couldn’t believe my luck when he showed that he was interested in me and wanted to go on further dates. Wasn’t I a lucky girl?

We had been dating for a few months and he was attentive and sweet and, like I said, very good looking. Not to be shallow or anything, this was one of the main reasons that I wanted to date him in the first place and after getting to know each other during those initial months, we decided to go exclusive. Or that’s what he said anyway.

As soon as we had slept together, things started to change.

We spent more and more time together (in fact, he became decidedly clingy always asking where I was and who I was with; yet getting annoyed if I ever asked him) and the more I got to know him, the less I liked him. He was grumpy the majority of the time, rude to anyone who dared to cross his path, and unfailingly selfish.

He was forever turning up at mine, uninvited. He was clearly just looking for a quickie and a place to crash before he would then leave first thing in the morning to go to the gym.

Every morning without fail he was at that stupid gym.

It was this obsession with the gym which led me to be unable to date him for a moment longer. I finally understood that those perfect abs and beautiful arms were the result of hours upon hours of training. Which, as he started to hint, he wanted me to join in with. There was NO WAY I was going to be roped into that and when he became downright nasty about it, enough was enough.

So hear my cautionary tale and BEWARE: Looks most definitely aren’t everything!

Is it just me?

(Contributed by a reader)

9 Different types of love that can be found in Les Miserables

les miserables

Les Mis was on the telly a few days ago and I love this musical a lot but loads of people find it super depressing. And yes, it is a little bit. There is a lot of death in there.

But if you look closely, there is a lot of love threaded throughout the characters and within the songs.

If you look even closer, you can also see how  many different types of love there are. Let me explain…

1.There is the one who puts it about a bit

1 Les Mis love

Naughty Fantine. She gets knocked up by a guy who says he will give her the world, and then buggers off as soon as things get a bit tough (we’ve all been there!) And then unfortunately, she has to become a prostitute to pay for her little daughter. It’s a hard life.

2. The Workaholic

2 les mis love

Enjolras is handsome and I bet all the girls want him. But he is just not interested. He is simply intent on achieving his goals. Which is admirable and all that, but come on…the revolution won’t keep you warm at night and you don’t want to die alone. (Spoiler alert – he does!)

3. The one firmly in the friend-zone

3 les mis love

I really really feel for poor Eponine. She is overlooked for SO LONG and he really is clueless. You have my complete sympathy.

4. The one who falls in love too fast

4 les mis love

Marius is a romantic at heart and anything can turn his eye. Like the back of a dress and a huge bonnet. He barely even sees her face for goodness sake!! But it works for him so maybe I should give it a go.

5. The blonde who everyone fancies

5 les mis love

Cosette is slightly whiney and a bit boring. But of course she gets the guy, because she’s pretty to look at, ain’t she?

6. The DILF

6 les mis love

Hugh Jackman…I mean errr Jean Valjean… is just yummmmmmy! That’s all.

7. The perve

7 les mis love

Monsieur Thenardier is definitely not a gentleman. He owns a pub and is wayyyyy too touchy-feely. And after you get felt up, you would probably be murdered by his wife.

8. The obsessive one

8 les mis love

Javert just does not give up. He would definitely be the one who you would have to block on Facebook, change your number and move to the Caribbean, before you could escape him.

9. The heart throb

9 les mis love

Gavroche might be a kid, but you know that if he was a decade older he would be the most loyal, gorgeous, best boyfriend around. Shame he had to be really brave and get killed.

Is it just me?

(all GIFs courtesy of giphy.com. Les Mis movie poster courtesy of imdb.com)

Apple for the teacher

school date

Last year as part of my university course, I was sent into the reception class of a primary school to carry out a two month work placement.

Now, schools are not the most obvious place where you would find a date. There are very few men there and the one or two who do work there, are often gay (a little bit of a generalisation, I know but it is true in 90% of the schools I’ve worked in)!

Despite the lack of men (apart from an extremely hot visiting PE specialist who I came across a couple of times – drool!! He could ask me out on a date any time he liked!!) I actually had a really enjoyable time. I worked hard, planning and organising exciting lessons for the little 5 year olds where they would learn without even noticing it. And it was faintly satisfying when they did…

During my months there, I became really close to the kids in my class. Of course, some of them were little shits, as children often are, but most of them I liked.

There was one little kid in particular who was just the most gorgeous child around. His name was Roberto and he was unbelievably cute. All the teachers adored him, he was just this little intelligent angel of perfection who sometimes made our teaching day so so much better.

This kid actually took a real shine to me as well which culminated, in the final few days I was there, in him telling everyone that he was going to marry me when he was 13.

I do feel like he’s got the right idea – women like commitment after all and they often do crave a big white wedding. But he has to work on his technique a little bit.

Firstly, it is polite to ask a lady before he tells everyone he is marrying her. Secondly, it is often a good idea to date the lady for a little while first. Thirdly, he needs to organise a ring and a nice proposals so the lady thinks he is being serious.

But apart from that, I feel like he did a pretty good job. And his heart is definitely in the right place. If only the world was made up of similarly precocious 5 year olds instead of the horrible men we end up dating instead.

Is it just me?

Where you may be going wrong in dating

Paper Towns Date

I just finished reading Paper Towns by John Green, ahead of going to see the film which came out this week. Now…he is not my favourite author by any means, as I think his characters are generally grossly unrealistic and faintly irritating. And Q is the most irritating of the bunch. But I do think that Green has some very valid things to say in this novel, which are so relevant to the dating world that I am in right now.

The first quote which really struck a chord with me was when one of his friends told Q ‘you expect everyone to be you’. And he went on to explain how you shouldn’t really do that because everyone is different. And that’s ok. I definitely do this when I am dating.

In my head I have quite a specific idea of who I want (although obviously the people I date often vary from that). But in my imagination he is this tall, dark, handsome guy who is educated to degree level, really into books, will write me poetry with a slim build and ambitions to make his mark on the world…basically me. And, although he doesn’t show his emotions often, I will know that he really cares and is a huge softy… me again.

I feel like I am projecting myself into a male form because I actually have no idea what I am looking for in a date, so it is just easier to replicate someone who I have had to live with for 23 years. But this is 100% a mistake because I am a complete nightmare and I actually don’t like me very much. So no wonder, the majority of my dates have actually been unsuccessful!

SECONDLY, Paper Towns talks a lot about the differences between how you perceive a person and who that person actually is. And this is a problem that I find I am getting over and over again in my dating life. Either they are douches who just aren’t interested in getting to know me (and are clearly just in it for sex) or…no that’s it really.

Even when I think I have gotten to know someone really well over a number of months, I have soon realised that I barely know my date at all when I think about it. I know a lot about what they are doing right now but sometimes I don’t even know that, and they don’t tell me anything about their lives outside our little dating parameter of their day to day lives. I don’t know their hopes, dreams, stuff that has happened in the past, their favourite colour, how they feel when their aunt comes to stay, when they rode their first bike…nothing which bridges the gap between dating and a relationship.

I split with more than one guy I was dating because he wouldn’t open up to me, didn’t want to take things further and wouldn’t allow me to start seeing who he actually was. But even if he had done all that, would I have actually been seeing him at all? Or would I have just been seeing what he wanted me to see? An interesting question John Green…

Is it just me?

Extra Feedback

restaurant date

The other night I had a wonderful evening with a group of uni friends who I haven’t seen in forever. It was a genuinely hilarious evening where we all caught up on each other’s lives – mainly our love lives, let’s be honest about it. There were only a couple of us in relationships while the rest of us were still on the dating scene and we were swapping hilariously awful dating stories.

After a couple of drinks, we went out for a meal at one of our favourite restaurants that we had discovered when we were all in uni together. And the evening was made even better because we had THE hottest waiter ever. I kid you not. Imagine a cross between Johnny Depp and Brad Pitt and then times the hotness of their love child by 10. That’s how hot the waiter was.

You can just imagine what we were like – 7 slightly tipsy and ultra giggly females who were acting like they were 12 rather than in their twenties. We got ridiculously silly about him and it became a bit of a standing joke throughout the evening.

But as the evening wore on, it became clearer and clearer that this guy was flirting with us and, although I am still shocked by it, me in particular. My friends 100% noticed so they came up with a little plot to force us to go on a date. And I had absolutely no complaints about this at all. I need all the help I can get when it comes to going on dates.

So it was heading towards the end of the evening and none of their little plans had worked to secure me a date. Therefore they came up with one final idea.

We had all been given one of those feedback cards to fill out, about how good the meal and the service was. And on the card there was a very convenient box for ‘extra feedback.’ It was the perfect space we needed, so the entire table wrote ‘Call Lois on 07….’

I thought he was going to ignore it for sure. But our persistence paid off and I received a text from him before we’d even left the restaurant. What a way to get a date! I am a little excited.

Is it just me?

6 Reasons why dating is like getting your A Level results

I don’t envy all you 17/18 year olds at the moment. I would never in a million years want to go back to those days where I am literally shivering with fear, waiting to find out my A level results/A2 results/whether I had been accepted into university (LIFE SPOILER: you will be fine, even if you are a bit disappointed with your results. Life has a way of working itself out!)

However, I do feel like I can understand your pain a little. Because when you think about it, the stress of getting your A Level results is remarkably similar to when you enter the dating world. Here’s why.

1.Constantly refreshing your emails

1 refresh date

Or in the Dating World equivalent – your Facebook messages. But somehow a reply comes in a lot later than they said it would and you find you have wasted hours of your life pressing the refresh button and watching the little loady-thing do its loady-thing. (It becomes a bit hypnotic).

2. Phoning up but having no one pick up

2 ignoring dates

The phone rings and rings and rings. But there is clearly no one at the other end. Either that or they are ignoring you. Or they just want to prolong your agony. Whatever the reason, whoever you are trying to reach is having a much more fun life than you are.

3. Feeling underwhelmed

3 disappointed dating

Is it just me or are the results always disappointing? Either they aren’t what you want or, after waiting and getting nervous for so long, you just kind of go ‘oh…what shall I do with my life now?’ Now your date has replied, you actually have to carry on talking to him and you realise you really can’t be bothered.

Either that or your date replies to your essay of a text with a ‘ok cool’ or something similarly stupid. Nope, not going to date you anymore.

4. Feeling like you’ve wasted a whole year of your life

4 waste time dating

All that preparation…all that lead up – what is it actually for? Life carries on.

5. The sweating as you check your phone

5 sweating dates

It is understandable when you are waiting for your A Level results, who wouldn’t be nervous as supposedly the REST OF YOUR LIFE depends on this moment (LIFE SPOILER: it doesn’t!) but does anyone else get this while they are waiting for their date to reply? Please say it’s not just me.

6. Seeing everyone else’s smug faces with their perfect life

6 smug dating

Whether they have amazing grades or the perfect guy (who always replies and then asks them on a series of perfect dates before they become their perfect boyfriend)…everyone else’s life seems so much better than mine.

Excuse me while I go and hide in the corner and panic about life.

Is it just me?

All gifs courtesy of giphy.com

9 Reasons you wish you were dating a Disney Prince

Finding a date who will actually treat you well, might feel like you are wishing for the impossible but maybe wishing on a star would help?

Us 90s children have grown up on a diet of love, romance and excellent songs courtesy of Disney (ta very much) for as long as we can remember. And somehow no real life date has ever lived up to the greatness that Disney men seem to ooze from their every pore.

1. You know it will be love at first sight

You don’t need to worry about the dating part at all, you can just skip to the good bit. Hooray.

1 date alice

2. He doesn’t mind if you’re a bit different to him

If Eric can be ok about his wife having a tail instead of legs, my date should be able to deal with the fact that I have a few spots. Right?

2 dates ariel

3. They put you first

John Smith incurs the wrath of his boss because he isn’t able to go against his beloved Pocahontas. Men who can’t even be bothered to send a text while you are dating, should take note.

3 dating pochahontas

4. They don’t mind commitment

Prince Hans asked Anna to marry him after a few hours. Why does it take real men years of dating to pluck up the courage? It is not that scary/difficult, boys. (We will just ignore the fact that Prince Hans was an evil title-hunter who nearly killed his wife-to-be).

4 frozen dates

5.They are all super good looking

Is it wrong to fancy a cartoon?

5 flynn smoulder

6. They will save you from some sticky situations

Simba leaves the jungle where he has no worries, to try and rid the pride of his evil uncle. But it’s really all for his precious Nala.

6 lion king date

7. You never know when love is around the corner but can be certain it will turn up soon

Your husband-to-be may be anything from a randomer who you don’t even like to a frog, if Disney is anything to go by. Gives me hope that one of these rubbish dates, could actually be successful one day.

7 princess frog love

8. He gives you what you want

If it’s a new place to live, he will give you that. If it’s to escape your family, he will whisk you away. If it’s to allow you more independence, he will entertain you with unseen views of your kingdom. He’s really very accommodating.

8 aladdin love

9. He won’t give up on you

Once he has found you, he knows you are the one and nothing will stop him until he finds you. Just look at Prince Charming…he goes around the town with a smelly shoe until he locates Cinderella again. And you can be sure, that from now on, you will be a great team.

9 mulan love

Is it just me?

All gifs courtesy of giphy.com

The Parent Trap

school dateAfter training for four years, I finally landed my first job as an NQT teacher last September. And obviously because I am hugely overworked, it soon became clear that I had no time at all for dating and I haven’t been on a single date all year. Cue sad music.

As I have been placed into a year 1 class, the parents of my 5/6 year old kids are not actually that much older than me. The youngest being around 25 and my goodness is he attractive (and unfortunately, very happily married to his son’s mother).

Still this didn’t stop every single female teacher having mini fantasies about him and it became a bit of a standing joke within the school. Everyone was quite jealous about the fact that his son was in my class and this was added to when I had to keep on calling him in, to discuss his son’s behaviour. The child was becoming a bit of a nightmare, but at least there was a silver lining. Us teachers even joked around and called the parent-teacher conference, a date.

The end of the year approached and a week or two before the summer term was over, me, the other teacher in year 1 and our two teaching assistants decided to go out for a drink. I had found out that afternoon that I had passed my NQT year so we had a lot to celebrate and we became quite merry.

And when we were at the height of our merriment, who should happen to walk in the bar but the hot dad with a bunch of his friends. Of course he spots us and comes over to say hello, and introduces us to his friends. They stay chatting for a few minutes and then started to drift away.

But before one of his friends could escape, my TA (teaching assistant) managed to slur at him ‘By the way, she totally fancies him’ and with a little bit of finger pointing, it became very clear who she was on about. I was MORTIFIED. Especially when I realised on Monday that my pupil’s Dad was very much aware of my crush. He didn’t look me in the eye again.

Is it just me?

Contributed by a reader

Is traditional dating dying out?

facebook date

A couple of days ago, I caught sight of this article in the London Standard which was published a few weeks ago. If you can’t be bothered to read it, it basically talks about a guy who wanders around a park in Hackney, asking girls on dates while his friend films him. The idea being that he has been single for a while and he wants to meet someone the traditional way rather than simply online.

It turns into a kind of social experiment as the 33 year old man is on the whole, not successful. So the article begins to say how women appear to prefer online dating and don’t trust regular dating.

If you watch the video, it is true that the majority of girls do reject him. But this isn’t because traditional dating is being diminished by online dating as he implies. There are in fact two reasons for his lack of success:

Firstly – he asks them on a date right then and there. Not for their number, not for a date in the future… it has to be right then. If they are out and about, walking through the park, it is highly likely they would be going somewhere and would not be free. Therefore they would obviously say no. And as quite a few of the girls do refuse a date, that could be a strong factor that neither the article nor the two men who have made the video, seem to consider at all.

Secondly, he doesn’t actually put any effort in. One girl comments she might have said yes, if he had bothered to come up and ask how she was and what she was reading. But as he didn’t bother and just straight up asked her out for a drink, she refused him. And I can totally understand why.

I don’t think traditional dating is dying at all. In fact the majority of my friends are still very willing to be swept off their feet. If the opportunity arose, that is. They don’t mind being approached but it has to be done in a certain way.

The problem is, traditional dating is more effort than online dating. Instead of just swiping right on an iphone, tucked up in bed in your jim jams, you have to be up and dressed and proactive. You have to talk to people and take an interest in someone.

The talking bit is where most guys fall down, I think. Because yes, it is a little bit scary approaching a stranger and initiating a conversation. And yes you may not be successful. A general shyness in the population and a fear rejection is why so many guys don’t ask girls out on dates in the traditional way, I feel.

But surely it is so so much more rewarding? After those weeks of bumping into someone and getting to know someone, you will be satisfyingly close to each other. And the girl will appreciate that you have actually taken an interest in her. Plus you will now know enough about each other to make a date enjoyable. So if you ask her out, you will most likely get a positive answer.

Is it just me?

Peeping Tom

Date

There comes a time in every gal’s life where she wants to play the field a little bit. She may go on a date (or a few) a week and not be looking for anything serious. Just sex.

I went through that point in my life recently. I had just broken up with my boyfriend and I was pretty heartbroken. In fact, I was pretty fed up with men in general. So I jumped on Tinder and decided to fix this with a bit of no strings fun.

I thought Tinder probably would be the best way. I wasn’t overly comfortable with the whole get-drunk-and-go-to-a-club-to-have-a-one-night-stand thing, and I liked the idea of getting to know the person a little first. Although I guess it was a tiny bit cruel to have a date with someone who I knew I wasn’t interested in.

Anywayyyy, this was just how I played it. And this was how I met Tom.

He was great. As I walked into the bar and saw him properly for the first time, I knew I was attracted to him and that only grew with every drink we had over the course of the three hour date. We chatted about all kinds of stuff and, as he became drunker, he even mentioned that he had just come out of a long term relationship himself. So I didn’t feel at all guilty when I invited him back to mine for ‘coffee.’

It was pretty late by that time so he knew exactly what I meant.

We were just…getting warmed up…when suddenly he stopped.

‘What’s wrong?’ I asked him, expecting him to say something along the lines of

‘I can’t do this – I’m sorry.’

But actually what he said was

‘I need to pee.’

Charmer.

‘Ok…hurry up’ I grinned up at him and lay back waiting for him as he left the room.

And that’s where I stayed for the next 10 minutes or so, wondering where on earth Tom had got to. After 5 more minutes, I went off in search of him.

It didn’t take me long to find him. At the end of the landing, my housemate’s door was slightly ajar and as she is an early-to-bed-early-to-rise kind of gal, I instantly became suspicious.

I poked my head around her door, and sure enough there he was, staring down at my sleeping housemate.

‘What on earth are you doing?’ I whispered furiously at him.

I grabbed his hand and yanked him backwards, back on to the landing.

‘I got lost and thought that was the bathroom.’

‘So why didn’t you leave as soon as you saw it wasn’t?’ I snapped at him.

He had no answer for that and I chucked him out minutes later. I couldn’t deal with him being in the house, any longer. What a complete and utter weirdo.

Contributed by a reader.

Is it just me?